Ding ding ding! Round 1 about to start

So round 1 of 12WBT is about to start. Well the pre-season anyway. Pre-season starts this Sunday, then in 4 weeks time the actual round starts.

I'm going to sign up again, although it is $200 that I can't really afford right now. But it is important that I do it.

About halfway through round 3 last year I kinda dropped my bundle. One of my commitments was no alcohol whatsoever for the 12 weeks. Unfortunately I was going through a stressful time at the same time, and eventually it became too much for me, and yet again I turned to my old (toxic) friend alcohol. What I didn't realise was that this step was the first step in the ending of an important friendship. A friendship which became rapidly frightening, controlling and abusive (emotionally).

Throw into the mix a not happy home environment, complete with yelling arguments, a stressful holiday away, and our dog of 13 years needing to be put down and by the end of it all I was a complete mess. Nutrition ... gone! Exercise ... gone! Motivation to do anything really ... gone! I retreated from the world (albeit still on Twitter, just more sporadically), and went through a period of what I now believe looking back was depression.

I am goal-less at the moment, and feeling a bit adrift from the world. My nutrition is sometimes good, sometimes not. Alcohol has become a common occurrence again. I did start back on my exercise week before last, but a sprained ankle laid me low. Yes, I know I can do upper body and core. Must get on that lol.

Anyways, last year when I heard there was going to be a strong and lean category for 12WBT I became excited. I get to compete! I'm hanging to find out the criteria for it, as I need a goal to aim for, and I reckon this could be it. I'm still reasonably lean, even with putting on a few kilos since last year. And I know I can get stronger.

The biggest thing in my favour though is my support network through the friends I've made in 12WBT. The last couple of months has shown me who I can trust, and who I cannot. (Don't unfollow me, then tell me not to take it personally ... I take it personally ... especially if I helped you move, and shared many a coffee with you ... and suddenly I'm not interesting enough to follow?? /vent over)

I could have easily stayed in retreat, and decided not to trust anyone again. But throughout it all my best friend stayed by my side, stayed constant, and reassured me that not everyone was out to hurt me.

So bring on Round 1!! I look forward to smashing it up, and helping my friends do their utmost to achieve their goals. Hang on peeps, it's going to be a wild ride!!

I'm back baby!

Ok, so it's been 5 months since I blogged last. Why you ask? Well, I tend to be fairly honest about my life on this blog, and there are quite a few aspects of my life that my family don't know about. They don't know about the drinking, they don't know I am still prone to panic attacks, etc etc

Anyways, when I put a new post up I tend to put the link up on Twitter. No big deal, as my family don't do the Twitter thing, only Facebook. Which is why most of the time you'll see only very generic things on Facebook. However, my brother decided to join Twitter. Uh oh. I privatised my blog in a hurry, so that no one could see it.

Since then, I don't believe my brother has been on Twitter at all, so it was probably just a knee jerk reaction from me. Plus, today I took a look, and found I can actually control who can see this blog. I do love me some control (yes, slight control issues lol).

So back in business, let the blogging recommence! :)

Sickness and fainting

Well, those of you who follow me on Twitter and Facebook know I've been sick for 5 days now with what I think is the flu. Symptoms have been the following:

• fever
• skin sensitive to touch
• cough from hell
• light headedness
• tiredness
• general blah feeling (yes that's the technical term)

And as of last night, one new symptom which I hope to goodness was a one off ... fainting. I've come close to fainting a couple of times in my life, but this was the first one where it actually happened. I'm hoping that writing it down will stop it replaying in my head

This is how it happened:

My throat is dry so I've been drinking water like it's no tomorrow, through the day and through the night. Glass empty, I got up out of bed and went to the ensuite. Whoa, I don't feel so good all of a sudden, put glass down on counter, lean on counter. Dots start appearing before my eyes ... uh oh, I think I'm going to faint if I don't sit down, go towards toilet to sit ... ow, why am I falling out of bed .. ow ow ... how did I manage to fall between my bed and the bedside table ... pause .. wait, why didn't Brian wake up and hear that ... pause .. oh, I'm in the ensuite on the floor next to the toilet ... I just fainted ... ok quick what is the first aid for someone who's fainted ... um ... put feet up ... lay on tiled floor with feet up on step for bath ... the tiles are cold, refreshing ... I can feel my heart pounding

So I lay there for a while then realised I'd have to get back to bed. Was scared that I'd faint on the way back to bed, but I got there ok. Looked at clock, 2am and now I'm wiiide awake, mulling over what just happened. Very restless sleep for the rest of the night.

Today, still not feeling the best, some friends of mine nagged (oops, I mean convinced) me into making an appointment with my doctor. They aren't in today, but will be tomorrow. I have the feeling they are just going to say rest and fluids, but will go just to rule out anything more serious.

Making a difference

Well, the day by day thing seems to be going ok, yesterday only had one glass of wine, today so far, zero. Getting a bit more brave with my running, did 14k yesterday. Was hard work too, especially with a hangover. Felt ok whilst I was running (apart from wishing for an extra lung), but as soon as I stopped and sat down in the car I started bucketing sweat and felt quite ill and lightheaded. Sipped on some water and made my way home, started to feel a little better as time went on. Peak hour traffic meant it took me an hour to get home, my body certainly didn't want that straight after a big run, stiffened up big time.

As for motivation for training others, I'm actually getting more motivation and joy out of training friends and 12WBT peeps than my gym clients at the moment. I think it's because I know that they've made a commitment, I know that they are working to better themselves and make good food choices. Plus, I really do honestly care about them as friends, it's a deeper bond I think than with my gym clients.

I like to think that I'm making a difference. At a time when I'm not feeling like there is much purpose to my being on this planet, I'd like to think that in my small way I can help people. Help them get fitter and healthier, help them feel better about themselves, help them spend some time looking after themselves.

Day by day

This is not going to be a super happy post, so if you are looking for a positive lift, you may want to click away now ....

It's been a weird few weeks, I must say. I've been feeling kinda low for a while now. At first I thought it was because 12WBT had finished, but I don't think that is it. I let my diet and exercise go to the point where I started to put weight on again, and was over the weight range I've set myself to stay in. And it affected my self confidence, in every aspect of my life. I've started not looking forward to going to work, as I don't know what I can give to these people. If I can't look after myself, what right do I have to tell others how to look after themselves.

To attempt to pull myself out of it, I set myself a big goal, to run the Blackmores half marathon. Physically, I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to do it, providing I train right. Mentally and emotionally though, I don't know that I'm tough enough. I'm hoping that as I continue to train that the mental toughness will come.

Yesterday I did the food shopping. Hubby has been sick and he put down on the shopping list "treat for Brian" "treat for Amanda". I bought him a chocolate orange as that's his favourite and I knew he'd like it. As for a treat for me ... you know I don't really feel like I deserve a treat. Was tempted to eat Maccas, but all I could here in my head was Michelle "really? That's how you are going to treat yourself, by putting bad food into your body?" *sigh* looks like her influence is still alive and well ... I would like her to think well of me, so I didn't have the Maccas. Into Coles I went, bought some healthy food, then went down the chocolate aisle for Brian's treat. Stopped at the Kingston creams ... picked them up, held them for a while, then thought to myself "really think about what this decision means, do you really want them?" Put them back on the shelf.

I did buy mostly healthy stuff, did crack and buy apple pies and ice cream though. Then went to Dan Murphys and bought a six pack of Chardonnay.

Last night I drank until I blacked out ... again ... *sigh* I guess I get sick of feeling low and just want to not feel for a little while. But, I know this is not healthy. So back on track today, I'm going to take this day by day, and continue to fight to get back to being healthy. Maybe at some point I'll believe I deserve it.

Snow Pea Salad with Hot Chilli Dressing

Tonight we are off to a friends house, people we haven't seen for a few months. Where does the time go?? Anyway, they asked if we could bring a salad. This recipe is one I've done tons of times, and always goes down a hit. Plus, it's healthy, yay!

Snow Pea Salad with Hot Chilli Dressing
Ingredients

• 200g snow peas
• 125g button mushrooms
• 1 red capsicum
• 4 shallots
• 2 cups snow pea shoots
• 2 tsp olive oil
• 1 red chilli, finely chopped
• 1 garlic clove, chopped
• 1 tbsp sunflower seeds
• 1 tbsp sesame seeds
• 2 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp raw sugar
• 1 tbsp sherry
• 1/4 cup water

Method

Trim snow peas and cut into bite size pieces. Slice mushrooms, capsicum and shallots and place in a large salad bowl with snow peas and pea shoots.

Dressing: heat oil in a saucepan. Add chilli, garlic and seeds, and fry until golden brown, stirring constantly. Remove from heat, add all remaining ingredients, and mix well.

Immediately spoon dressing over the salad ingredients, toss, and serve.

Handmade pasta dough

So on the weekend I made lasagne, at hubby's request. It's been a while since I've made it (not exactly a healthy dish) but it is one of his favourites. I decided to make the pasta sheets from scratch. I've done it quite a few times before, you can't beat fresh pasta, so much better than store bought.

Here's the recipe and how you make it. Recipe comes from Urban Graze, a cooking school in the Kellyville area.

Ingredients

200g 00 Italian flour
4 egg yolks
2 eggs

Method

Place flour in a medium sized bowl or directly on the workbench. Make a well in the centre.

In a small bowl, mix egg yolks & eggs together. Pour all eggs into the well in the flour.

Begin to mix slowly, drawing in flour from the sides gradually to begin to make a paste. This can be done with your fingers or with a fork.

As the mixture begins to thicken up, begin to mix with your hand. Once the dough begins to incorporate all of the flour, clean your hands and begin to knead the pasta dough



The dough will become very smooth and elastic. This will take from 5-15 minutes (when you press a finger into the dough the indentation doesn't stay, it springs back out)

Cover and set aside for 30 minutes to rest. (I tend to cover the dough in flour, cling wrap it and put in fridge for this part).

Once you are ready to cook whatever pasta dish you are making (in my case lasagne) remove dough from fridge and roll through pasta making machine


Cut into sheets the size of the dish you will be baking the lasagne in. Before long you will have enough sheets to use, yummo!
Happy cooking! :)