So yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown. Not pretty, but then meltdowns rarely are. I think this one has been brewing for a while, but I'd been kidding myself that I was handling my shit better than I actually was.
I've been feeling a bit lost for a while now. I don't have my nutrition or exercise on track, and I've been drinking way too much. Which cycles back to being unhappy with myself ... I'm an expert at beating myself up.
I know that the goal setting task is due, but I am waiting for the criteria for lean and strong to become known before I set my goals. Which yes, is no excuse for not doing any exercise whatsoever. And just because the round hasn't started as yet does not mean I have a free pass to eat and drink whatever I like.
So yesterday morning, feeling hungover and irritable, went to shops with my husband to do some food shopping. Had a pointless argument on the way there. I felt that he was shooting all my ideas down, he felt that he praises me a lot and I just happen to not remember that. Argument did not end well.
Me: "I find it frustrating talking to you"
Him: "Well I find it frustrating that you have a selective memory and you exaggerate"
Frosty silence ensued. Add in the fact that it's TTOM for me, and my fuse was about a millimetre long.
Walking along in the shops, I wasn't watching where I was going, and I walked into this chick who I didn't see. As in didn't see at all, so walked into her full tilt. Obviously she was a bit unhappy at being bowled into, so I apologised profusely, and off she went.
And for some reason that was the final straw. I took one look at my husband and burst into tears. He was a bit taken aback but gave me a hug until I calmed down.
The rest of the day I was feeling quite flat, and we continued to argue on and off, until a massive argument at the end of the day. He feels better for airing his feelings, I just feel drained.
Anyway, today is a new day. I know I need to do something, to pull myself out of this rut. So today I organised to go along to Crossfit on Saturday for the first time. I think the structure and intensity will be just what I need. And yes, I will complete the pre season tasks, lay the foundation for a successful round.