Random thoughts

Head is all over the place today, due to not being well, and it is the first day where I've actually had a chance to stop and think. I've taken the day off work, to rest and recover.

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Had a workshop up in Tuggerah on Monday (or so I thought). Hubby and I decided to take advantage of it and stay a couple of nights at the Crowne Plaza in Terrigal, where we've stayed before. We went up on the Sunday. I was exhausted, Saturday had been such a big day/evening, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Got up there with no panic attacks, very happy with that, considering how tired I was. Had a great dinner with old friends/relatives on Sunday evening. Monday morning I had my tomtom all set to go, and I got to Tuggerah in 25 minutes. I was quite chuffed as I had arrived early and was looking forward to the workshop. However on arriving there the reception staff told me it had been moved to Erina, which is just 5 minutes or so from Terrigal! A few hurried phone calls confirmed it had indeed moved, and I ran for my car. Ended up arriving about 20 minutes late, I hate being late for things! Rest of the day went smoothly, learnt heaps.
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I'm feeling quite flat after Round 1 of 12WBT. Part of that I guess is because I am sick, but part is just sad that it has ened. There are heaps of people going on to Round 2 and Twitter and Facebook is full of people talking about it, and how excited they are about it all. I made the right decision not to go on to Round 2, but I miss it. I miss being part of the community, and I think gradually I'll be left behind. I half thought of signing up again, but really, by the end of Round 1 I wasn't following the exercise or nutrition, so what would be the point. Time for me to cheer on from the sidelines.

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A couple of things I've read today have really hit home. There's been a pattern of being hurt by people I have been friends with, once I have opened up to them, and let them know the real me. I have been told a few times now, that it's just "too hard" or "too much effort" to be my friend. Ouch eh. Everyday Stranger had a post today about forgiving people who hurt you. Part of what she said really resonated, as follows:

"If you hurt me then I won’t give you another chance to hurt me because I can accomplish that just fine on my own, thanks. If I forgive then it means that what happened is inconsequential."

And that's how I feel. I don't want to forgive past hurts, as what does that mean, that it was ok for them to do that?

As I see it, I have options .... I can retreat, and only show people my positive side, keep them at a safe distance. I really can't cope with being a negative influence in someone's life, that's not what I want at all.

Or, I saw an amazing quote today on Twitter by Janine Shephard:

"It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart

I could try again.