Holiday part one

So as mentioned below I've just got back from two weeks away. B and I drove up to Kingscliff, which is just south of the QLD border, very close to the Gold Coast.

Now, part of my suffering from panic attack disorder comes in the form of not liking to be out of my comfort zone. And I can tell you, driving ten hours away from my home definitely falls into this category!

So we left on Tuesday 20th November at 6.40am. I'd spent a mostly sleepless night panicking about the drive up, panicking about the holiday in general. B was great, he helped me to think positive thoughts, which enabled me to pack and get into the car. We started driving, and the panic attacks started hitting me within 5 minutes. I thought "I just can't do this, there is no way I can do this." We got to Pennant Hills, which is about 15 minutes from home, and I completely froze. We had to pull over to the side of the road, and I pretty much flatly told B that I couldn't do this, I wanted to go back home.

Conversation ensued, B assuring me that I could indeed do this, I'd regret it if I didn't do it, didn't face my fears. And my heart was telling me the same thing. I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, a drive for ten hours to almost another state. Impossible. On the other hand, giving up and going home. Unacceptable.

Somehow I gathered the will to go on. More panic attacks ensued on the freeway (freeways freak me out, the whole no where to turn around thing, what if there's an accident and we're trapped on it, fun thoughts like that). But I continued on. The way I did it was to break the journey down into chunks.

- Just get to the end of the freeway.
- Just get to the next town.
- If it is a fair distance between towns, say 50 km, break it down further. Just get the next 10 km done.

And we got there. And I was pleased that I hadn't given up.