For the first time since B and I moved in together, I'll be home alone tomorrow overnight. B is going to Canberra for work tomorrow, is staying over, back home Friday.
And quite frankly I'm scared. I feel very vulnerable. I didn't sleep much last night, as I'm filled with a sick dread. Who can I turn to if I have a panic attack while he's gone? It's not like he can come back home in the middle of the night if I lose the plot, as he is flying down there.
I tell myself that I can do this, that other things I've been scared of, that I've lost sleep over, I've been able to get through, and get through well.
I worry that I won't be able to sleep. When I was little I was afraid of the dark, and while I'm not now, dark thoughts do seem to be more prevalent at night time.
So fun times for me at the moment, I'm sick of being an "I can't do this" person, but how do I force my mind and body into believing I am capable, I can be strong.
I've booked myself a gym appointment with my trainer from 7-8, and she wants me to do 20min on the treadmill before that. I'm hoping to wear myself out. After, I'll come home, cook myself dinner, and watch a movie, or play on the computer. Then, I'll call B, tell him I love him, and go to bed.
Fingers crossed it all goes well. Any positive thoughts you can send my way, would be much appreciated.