Friday, January 18, 2008

Never give up, never surrender

So it turns out that B spending the night away from me is not the end of the world as we know it! :)

Last night and yesterday went really well.

I really didn't know how I would go. The two nights before B went away neither of us slept all that well, I think I averaged 2-3 hours sleep each night.

Yesterday he was up at 5.15am, as he needed to get ready and over to the airport for an early flight. There were quite a few hugs and kisses before he left, and I stayed strong, no tears or anything. I really wanted to show him I could be strong and how much I love him, by not restricting him from things he wants/needs to do.

So he left, and I went back to bed, thinking there was no way I'd be able to sleep. There were a few moments when panic attacks threatened, but I kept it at bay. I read for a bit, then to my surprise I fell asleep and slept till my alarm went off to get ready for work. Good sign that, I thought.

The day at work was kinda tough, my emotions have been all over the shop this week, and quite frequently I felt close to tears. I have a good friend at work, and she has been so supportive this week for me, and told me to call anytime I needed to, she'd be there for me. Which Snoozen also did, which was also great.

I hadn't told Mum and Dad about my fears with B going away, as I thought Mum would tell me I was just being silly, as she has for some things in the past. But when I got home from work, I thought what the heck, I'll let her know. I didn't go into great detail, just how we'd never been apart, I was a bit nervous, but hoped I'd be ok. Then I went to the gym.

My trainer is great. We had a good workout and a good chat. Looks like we will have a friendship as well as a trainer/client relationship. How nice is that! She empathised with my feelings about being alone during the night, and promised to work me hard so I would find it easier to sleep.

Workout done, I headed home, to the part I had been dreading, spending the night alone. When I got home, I checked my emails and Mum had replied with a lovely email saying she totally understood what I was going through, and that she had made up my old bed at their place, so if it got too much I could go sleep there. I really had underestimated her. That email, combined with B, work friend, Snoozen, and trainer friend really really helped me.

I called Mum and Dad, spoke to them for a bit, then talked to B for a bit. By then it was 1opm, too late to watch a movie or anything, so I decided to head to bed and read for a bit. Read for half an hour, then straight to sleep! Woke up a couple of times during the night, but not for very long at all, pretty much slept throughout the whole night.

Woke up this morning feeling pretty proud of myself. While I don't think I'll ever really like it when B goes away, or get away from the feeling that it is just odd to wake up alone, I know now that I can do it when needs be.

Never give up, never surrender ... my new motto.

1 comment:

Snoozen said...

Great Motto good for you...never give up, never surrender!